I feel just this way sometimes and it’s certainly natural to feel a complete sense of your own self albeit you get caught up in the middle of activities, situations and issues, still looking for ‘yourself’.
Can you ever meet with you and get a grip of you?
Lately, I have been spending what I would call tangible time with myself and fixing every assumption I had lined up about myself. Gladly, I am getting very uninterested in other people and in the good way. I have borrowed enough from other people and had enough of other peoples’ God. Just like shopping, I wanted my size of everything that has to be mine.
My love, when you are told that everything begins with you, interestingly it includes how to love, how to care and appreciate every other person around you. The real work is in meeting with you to know how to introduce you to others. There are things and even people you cannot perfectly understand except they are personal. You have heard that right? It is also inclusive of your perception ‘the one personal stuff we all have messed with’. So, I have taken late nights to ask myself; Nancy, who are you? I have realized that it’s easier for anyone to misconceive my personality when I am confused about who I am. Until I recounted pieces of myself; the few brilliant things and clearly noted the silliest things about myself, I never understood that self-development was my own school for me. I guess I had employed too many lecturers and it was telling that I was learning nothing exactly without taking myself on a basic course ‘self-discovery and development’.
Doing same gives you a clearer picture of what you really need, your own way of spending your money, your own way of showing disgust, your own way of showing appreciation and your own way of correcting people who wrong you. Among all these personal belongings we naturally crave to own, one of the things you really need is Your Own G-O-D.
You and I have never seen our own self’ except in mirrors and believe me, mirrors can actually be so wrong. Have you not felt fatter in one mirror and sweetly slim in another? Have you not noticed your eyes are prettier in the bedroom mirror but the mirror in the bathroom makes you look bloated? It’s only the people who see you from time to time that really know what you look like and if you had their heads, you will see your own self just the way a mirror would never be able to describe you. Until this happens, half the time you think you look like mom or dad and the other half someone tells you how you look just like someone they know and there you are wondering if you could ascertain that for yourself.
Do you remember that expression you give? Of course that expression means, ‘do I really look like that person?’ Sweetie, even the bible confirms that I can forget what I looked like in a matter of minutes if I depend on the mirrors I see before I set out every day. I just need to remember to look like GOD I guess, accepting any genuine compliments because I was made a reflection of his awesomeness. In my opinion, you need to not just remember but be sure you look like God and you can’t be sure about looking like Bishop Oyedepo’s God or Pastor Kumuyi’s God (even if you are their children). It’s open secret that they know their God. There is always a special room for those that call him Abba Father (My GOD) and this is exactly what the preachers always mean to tell you.
Everything in Life teaches you to have your own God but you may not understand it in the chaos of your mind. Darling, you can very easily keep thinking that there are people who ought to have God and share their God with other people. It’s possible that this is the same reason people heavily depend on the prayers of what they term ‘a powerful Man (child) of God’ for instant testimonies or testimonies that come over time. It is same reason you may not see the need to study God’s word, enrol in a standard bible institute or make good use of your online bible and its super complete concordance whereas your Church pastor will still preach on a new topic the following Sunday and you will appear so intelligent scribbling what you may never read again.
You have become so comfortable with people telling you what God says about your own self hence it looks so impossible how God could ever speak to you. It is also likely that you will continue to feel grieved when you’re unnoticed in church for how you look, how classy your tie appears or how virgin your hair feels in the eyes of every other person because you breathe for people’s recognition and you know the least about how pathetic that is. Recently, I have understood discernment in not only walking into the church to follow the order of Sunday services/mass but walking in as a Child of God who hears and receives from God as a Daughter. That way, it’s much more powerful and meaningful attending church service my love.
You cannot continue looking up to everybody’s God for things that are relatively personal to you. It is not late to look for your ‘self’ and find that ‘self’ fitted in God so well that you hear from Him and communicate with Him effectively. Check the Bible again and see how God values personal relationships. Take note of phrases such as ‘the Lord Your God, My Father, My Son, Your God, His God, My God, My Healer, He’s Mine, I’m yours’ God wants You for personal reasons. When topics like repentance and salvation are preached, they’re all headed to giving you a time to report to GOD and request that Jesus becomes YOUR Lord and Personal Saviour.
In your life, so many things are waiting for YOUR God while you may be so busy facing several situations by your own self, working in your own might and at your own pace, attaching to other peoples’ God or blaming the God of someone else for not answering to you.
My Darling, this piece is written to allow you tie sticks around the immense beauty of a personal relationship with the one who knows you best. When that has happened, you’ll pray, speak, walk, dress, laugh, party, and even drink better. You will meet with yourself doing just what God wants. You will be amazed. Your reasoning will be renewed.
Just as an instance, Nancy cannot drink alcohol because the Spirit of God in me will not let me but whenever I take a smoothie, same spirit is at peace in me. This instance makes me laugh but it’s so true. When I evangelize, I can’t find myself preaching to a drunk to stop drinking but I focus on saying these same things you are reading to him and leading him to God’s promises (all in His Word) that worked for me when I craved for a personal relationship with Him outside fellowship and Church gathering. I know that if he finds God for himself, all that cannot stay will leave. That is how personal relationships work. Same way you may have expected mutual love and respect when you had that buddy or currently with your spouse, God gives you His spirit which works out that relationship through you. The way we wash clothes and advisably turn them inside out to spread, God wants to be so close that he accesses and moulds you inside out. The spirit is alive in God’s own and will always speak up when it’s not comfortable, it will make your joy unending, it will heal your heart, it will help you pray tactfully, it will assure you of answers when you call (Jeremiah 33 vs. 3), it will show you hidden truths, it will frown when you mess up and smile when you sincerely apologize, it will show you who else has got the Spirit of God, it may even have much more for you than I know about.
Once this relationship gets personal, God gives you His spirit to live within you and as much room as you give it, it will show you an unmistaken glimpse of God’s love for you and gently the real You will emerge.
May God give you deeper Understanding.
Always bear in mind that we are all walking each other home.
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