True Self and Non-conformity

It is often common to see people state how they want to stand out from what people are doing, they want to be unique and then it is funny that more often than not that uniqueness you strive so hard to get is what someone else is already living as a unique style. Quite complicated.

I would not want to wear red because everyone is wearing red, I would rather wear blue. This is non-conformity, trying to stand out and be different from the crowd. Here you have the crowd dictating to you what you should do and what you should not do.

What then is true self? Being your true self means doing what is your best fit.

Most times we tend to mix our lives of non-conformity/uniqueness to being our true self but these two are entirely different.

Non-conformity is making decisions based on dictations from the crowd and True self is making decisions based on self and best fit.


In life we ought to learn to be our true self rather than try not to conform to what others say.

I have been a victim too.

I needed to go for an occasion sometime and I went online in search of a shoe. I saw a very beautiful shoe, it was so beautiful and my size was available(very happy me). I did not hesitate to click the purchase button, then I got a call almost immediately to confirm the order. I was so excited (I am always excited when I know something new that "I love" is coming).

On my way home at the close of work that same day, I stopped at the mall to quickly get myself some toiletries and on stepping in I saw a lady beautifully dressed at first glance, I had not taken my time to look at her properly and when I had a proper look from head to toe....Guess what I saw???

My Shoe!!! I actually felt like someone was wearing my own shoe even though mine had not arrived and then I just automatically said to myself this shoe is everywhere(I wonder how one meant all).

Unfortunately I could not cancel my order, so I had to accept the shoe when it came but then the love I had for it had faded as I already told myself it is everywhere and I can not wear it again.

Reality dawned on me when I realized I needed a blue shoe for my outfit (oh sorry I didn't tell you the shoe was blue) and it was already too late as I did not plan an alternative for the occasion even when I had told myself I was not going to wear it.

So I was left with the option of not going for the occasion or just wearing that shoe, not minding who will be wearing it with me (what a mindset)

The occasion was too important to me that a shoe could not stop me from going, so I came up with a plan C I said I could also be unique and wear a color that goes with the dress, everybody in the occasion will be wearing a blue shoe so let me wear a different color (where on earth did this come from?).

Okay, now you are thinking I am confused but then I actually was very confused because I fought with not doing what I wanted because of the crowd and that was just the major confusion of a life time.

To wrap it up, I went to the blue event with a red shoe that I normally would not have thought of wearing  so I basically did not like my outfit but then I felt good because I was not conforming to what others did(lol) and at that event I was consciously looking at the blue shoes to see if my look alike was there but to my own foolishness it was not there.

So, I had a major loss and that loss was to Self.

And I had to learn this "Never try to feel Unique from the crowd at the detriment of your True Self".

And from that day I told myself I would rather do what soothes me not minding what happens than do what soothes the crowd, either to be unique or as a form of non-conformity.

Now the question goes like this?

Are you still that me that would rather not do something because you are trying to be different from the crowd,at the expense of what you love?
OR
Are you that me that will make the decision to do what is best for you and what you love?

Your uniqueness starts from being original, nobody has your style, nobody can be you. Even if a million and one people are doing a particular thing always tell yourself that they are not "YOU" . If not for anything they do not have your face.

Your look already makes you different and your true self might just be the one the world has been waiting for.

How do you achieve this by connecting to your core value and passion.
 
Quit Non-conformity and stick to True self, that's where your value lies.

Wishing you a very happy Easter. Celebrate in your true Self.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Do not Make A Lemonade

This seems to be the very popular saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonades.

Totally amazing but guess I tried experimenting it and realized you could do more than a lemonade.

Most people even get to recite this as a poem without even knowing the actual application to reality, Oh well, I was one of those people, who casually just made use of the sentence in a conversation.

But until life gives you lemons, that exactly is when this makes a whole lot of sense.

If you are to be stuck in a job, not loving what you do, like me back then.

Not knowing how to get out of the job or out of my forever unsettled thoughts and mental battles.

I guess this is normal with most people, but unlike myself I decided to think after noticing that I was getting consolations but no solution.

I had huge lemons in front of me, not liking what I do,  always worn out in the stress of doing what is not fulfilling , beginning to start hating myself and battle with so much unhappiness, all these were lemons, very bitter ones at that.

Then I tried making lemonade.  A Lemonade is a drink, it helps you to stay refreshed but for a while.

So I started making my lemonade out of my lemon by trying to tell people how I felt and sharing my experience with them. I got a very refreshing experience because I lost count of the times I kept hearing, "Oh dear, that's so sad, I know how that feels" , a few went ahead to say, "you should try doing something about it" . Very amazing advises, I felt refreshed for the period and believed YES I can get through all of this.

But more often than not, when we are refreshed, it only keeps us bubbling for a while and then the issues come back again.

Sooo... I went further and decided to do something else with the Lemons life had given me and what was that?

This brings my own theory,

When life gives you lemons, extract the seeds and plant them.

Why?

Because then it has more use.

I decided to find a way out of my predicament by not just making lemonades and getting refreshed but extracting the seeds of the lemons and that was by carefully sorting out what my issue was,

Why did I not love my job? , what exactly do I want to do"? Then I started watering the seed by studying and finding out ways to achieve a better mindset and improve on that which I want to do.

Mind you, lemons leave you devastated and feeling depressed, so here was I having extracted the seeds from the lemons, I planted them and started watering them by finding my thoughts right and working towards that which I loved and in return I had a tree of fulfillment.

That tree in turn can now be of good use to people because then I can now share my experience rather than feel refreshed I give someone something to learn.

When you make a tree from your lemons, you open opportunity for people to benefit from it.

-By either selling fruits from your tree: Sharing your experiences, people learn and get to do what they love that will in turn be profitable or
-Using it as a form of shelter, share your experiences, people learn and know they are not alone and want to be the best of themselves.

By this you are making a lifelong impact with your lemons, than a for the minute refreshment.

So what exactly are you going to start doing? Make Lemons or Plant a tree? Let us here from you in the comment section below. 

Positive Thinking a Major "PLUS" To Your Life Transformation.

How does it feel to always live with smiles on your face? Is it actually possible?

It definitely is possible if we believe.

How do we believe?  By constantly and consciously feeding our thoughts with the positives rather than the negatives.

Do you know what positive people are always thinking? I will tell you a few.

The best of their today in relative to the best of their tomorrow. They are individuals who sign  up for call to actions than  rather watch the actions.

I remember when I used to be a Naysayer but realized it was taking me nowhere and decided to take the part of saying Nay to only Negative thoughts and made it a habit of keeping only the positives, I am still a work in progress.

Rather than complain of what you see, replace the complaints with the amazing thoughts of what you want to see, in that sense you find yourself working towards the beauty of the future.

How then can we consciously stay positive:

How I learnt to overcome the turbulence in Relationships: The secret of the foundation.

I hear people say I do not like how my relationship is going, this was not how it started so what has gone wrong?

Sometimes just when you think the foundation is right and the process is wrong, it could possibly be the other way round.

It is not wrong to feel a twist in the journey of a relationship. I once had a relationship in which I did not know the major reasons why I wanted to be in the relationship, but guess I was just naive, guess because of how much I thought I understood love and not wanting to feel lonely I dived into one.

If I was asked the questions I will be asking you now,I guess it would have been a lot easier for me.

Why are you going into a relationship? What do you hope to achieve from it?, Do you see your partner as one who will help you achieve that future you picture?

All these questions are the basics for the foundation of a relationship.

Just like the mansion you hope to see standing someday, before you start building, there are major questions you will ask just to ensure the house does not collapse the next year.

Same thing happens in a relationship. When I got in, I just wanted to avoid being lonely, I just enjoyed the feel of having to be in a relationship. But just like you, the journey started dangling, dangling, it was shaky, like a flight going through a major turbulence, quarrels, argument, happiness reduced, I did not know what was wrong but all I could just think of was God, let this cup pass over me.

I did not know what to do then, so I tried applying just one technique and that was inviting the big "C"

It is absolutely normal for the turbulence to come, especially when the beginning was not defined, but as a pilot you should be able to control the turbulence, these turbulence occurs because over time your priority became clearer to you and you started noticing the wrongs in your relationships, automatically when your partner tells you let us go out, you start saying why are
we always going out, can't we just stay indoors? It is normal.

This is not so terrible because it is normal that as we grow, we get clearer understanding of what we want.

How then can this be handled?

Just like me, you need to invite Big "C" "COMMUNICATION"

Rather than keep complaining about how things have changed, start communicating.

Now you have your priorities clear, sit with your partner and discuss.

If you do not communicate you and your partner might just be living separate lives and believing you are both doing your best to make things work, but then you have not done anything at all.

And to those who are yet to get into one, you are still opportuned to lay your foundation right, set your priorities and discuss it with the friend who wants to graduate to the next level, gone are the days of being like me.

Make your life easier and set it right.