Let Go of the Past

"But the past does not exist independently from the present. Indeed, the past is only past because there is a present, just as I can point to something over there only because I am here. But nothing is inherently over there or here. In that sense, the past has no content. The past -- or more accurately, pastness -- is a position. Thus, in no way can we identify the past as past." — Michel-Rolph Trouillot

I have handled a similar topic before though not on my own post but as a guest speaker for @relcapsules, you should check them out. 

Today I will be paying deeper insight to Letting go of the past.

Are you chronically stuck in the past? Are you allowing your history to knock your present off track, much like a skipping record? That's the question I'm posing today.

First, I think it's important to note that while the things that happened to you in the past are distinct, individual moments in time, the idea of "the past" has no such distinction. It is impossible to completely categorize the people and events from your past. Because, even if you no longer think of a specific moment in time, it is still there. You may never recall the memory of it, but in some way it either:

a) Taught you something not minding if it was good or bad,

 b) Reinforced something you already believed, effectively planting itself in your present, whether you know it or not.

This is all to say, there is no way to completely delete your past from your today, even if you're a completely different person than you used to be.

A former alcohol addict might conquer the addiction and become a responsible, honest person which are seemingly on opposite ends of what he/she was before. But his/her past, the desire to overcome, the desire to change, and the desire to be better, all would come together to allow him to be this new person. There might be millions of stand-up, honest, law-abiding citizens in the world, but none would exactly like him, because they didn't share his unique past.

However, there is a difference between the natural fusion of past and present, and allowing the past to dictate your life.

But how do you know if your past is overtaking your present?

 Signs You're Letting The Past Hold You Back

1. You cling to nostalgia (pleasant remembrances)

Do you find that much of your free thoughts are spent thinking about good old days? No matter how old we are, we all have periods of time in our lives that we feel were pretty great or special. The problem is when we begin to wish we could go back or attempt to recreate that time in our current life.

I've tried this in my life, and I can tell you it doesn't work. People are constantly morphing into new people - we get older, our habits change, our friends change, our beliefs about ourselves and others change - and attempting to force people and situations into what they once were is a recipe for failure.

Try this instead: Think about what it is that is drawing your back to that particular time. Maybe you crave a particular kind of happiness or closeness. Maybe you had a lot of friends, but don't anymore, and you miss the busyness of going out with friends. Figure out what it truly is that you miss, and then find a way to get it in your current life.

 2. You are hurt by imagined wrongs.

Has a friend ever said something that you took as an insult, but was in no way meant to insult you? Maybe they commented on the size of your house and you immediately thought they were calling your house small. Maybe it annoys you when your mother stops by and goes right to cleaning your room, because you feel she's silently saying that you aren't doing your job of keeping the room clean.

Try this instead: Look at the situation objectively. Is this person really trying to insult you, or is something from your past trying to bubble up. If you can recognize that the latter is happening, you can stop it. Remind yourself that you are not what this emotion is telling you. Try to think why this person is saying what they're saying. Maybe your mother is not making a statement about your cleanliness - maybe she noticed that you have been busy with work or you are tired thought she should help out and take one task off your to-do list.

I should note that sometimes things are indeed meant as insults. But remember, you control whether or not the insults get at you. Your reaction determines whether the person is shooting bullets or shooting blanks.

3. You continue the same thought and action patterns despite knowing they aren't working for you.

The past is familiar. And we tend to like what is familiar. Only sometimes, familiar is what gets us into predicaments.

Take weight loss, for instance. Have you ever tried to lose weight, but get caught up in resentment, toward those to seemingly get to eat whatever they want or toward your younger body that never used to gain weight? We begin to get frustrated when we aren't losing fast enough, and then give up. We do this again and again and come to the conclusion that it can't be done.  Except our conclusion is based on faulty logic or incomplete data

Try this instead: Instead of basing decisions on past occurrences, take note of the facts (not opinions) about the current situation. Instead of relying on what you think you know, take the time to really look objectively at the situation. Using the example from above, instead of assuming you just can't lose weight, look at the steps that got you there. Did you really eat as well as you thought? Or did you happen to "forget" the nights of snacking in front of the TV?  Keep analyzing everything until you get down to the root of the problem. It's not that you couldn't lose weight, it's that you couldn't lose weight doing what you were doing.

What is it you would let go of today? What is holding you back that you would let go of today? 

 This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life.  Kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

Self Pity II

 Hello readers I am sure we all enjoyed the first part of self-pity and there are still lots to learn about Self-pity that's why we have a part II *Yaaay*

What does the Bible say about Self-pity?

Every human being is prone to self-pity. We are born self-centered, with a powerful drive to protect our egos and our rights. When we decide that life has not treated us as we have the right to be treated, self-pity is the result. Self-pity causes us to obsess over our hurts, real or perceived. At the heart of self-pity is a disagreement with God over how life and how he has treated us.

The biggest clue that self-pity is not of God is the word self. Any time we are focused on ourselves, other than for self-examination leading to repentance (1 Corinthians 11:28), we are in the territory of the flesh. Our sinful flesh is the enemy of the Spirit (Romans 8:7). When we surrender our lives to Christ, our old nature is crucified with Him (Galatians 2:20; Romans 6:6). The self-ish, sinful part of our lives no longer needs to dominate. When self is dominant, God is not.

Causes of Self- Pity

Broken Heart: Your lower nature had you believe that someone’s love, often a parent or spouse was supposed to be unconditional, but that was putting unreasonable expectations on another human being.  There is only one Best Lover and that is God

 If you have a broken heart, you expect to be hurt by everyone for the rest of your life.  In order to get past this, you need to stop taking responsibility for the sins of others as if they were yours.

 Adversity: There is glory in tribulation, because it’s the first step towards victory.  When we can overcome our difficulties they are no longer problems.  We never have to work at them again because we have perfected them.  The things we have overcome become our victories; which changes our personality and our spirituality and who we are.  But to overcome takes practice, and we can’t practice without taking the first steps.  Self-pity won’t let you take those steps.

Ways to Opt out of Self-Pity

         Turn to God:  Until we turn to God, His love can’t reach us

         Read the Writings:  The only way to break the cycles is to understand and start following the Words of God.  Nothing else can change the way you think.

        Make self-pity your enemy: If you do it in a fun way, catching yourself in the action and letting it know there’s no room in your heart for it, you will find yourself laughing in delight.  

         Detachment:  It’s not the load that breaks you down but the way you carry it.  Detachment and self-sacrifice are the keys:

         Happiness: Happiness comes from our higher nature.  Our reality is spiritual, and when we live in that world, we are truly happy, but again we have to choose it for ourselves, and the best way to be able to choose, is to know the truth

         Work:  The cure for self-pity is to engage in some occupation. Personally I love to work to occupy my mind.

         Understand it’s a process: Nothing is permanent, everything you see today is just a phase which will definitely pass.

         Gratitude/Thanksgiving: Self-pity is opposite to goodness in your life.  The opposite of self-pity is gratitude and thankfulness.  It’s easier to overcome something when we have a positive attitude.

This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life.  Kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

PhotCredit:
Selfhelpexplained.com

Self Pity I

Pity is a form of external validation that is based off feelings of inferiority. The desire for external validation and the internal lack of self-esteem is a serious one-two punch knocking down our happiness levels.

When I was younger, I remember occasionally hurting myself while playing outside.

If I rolled my ankle, I might fall to the ground clutching it, but not feeling too bad overall. Then, when someone from my family or a friend would run up to me and see if I was okay, I’d start getting choked up.

At the time, this confused me and made me even more upset. Why could I not control myself?

I experienced a lot of self-pity because I felt like I was weak and could not handle my emotions and then I would break out in tears.

None of this made any sense to me then, but it would happen the same way every time.

Now that I’m older, I think I “get” it. I actually enjoyed the feeling of pity and would subconsciously seek it out.

This doesn’t just happen in children. Did you ever notice how when some people get sick or injured, they will practically brag about it?

“Hey everyone! I totally broke my arm the other day. Look at me!”

This whole “enjoyment of being pitied” business is particularly an indirect form of attention-seeking behavior.

It is a sign of insecurity. We want to be pitied because we crave attention, and without pity, we worry that nobody will care about us.

Dangerous sides of Self-Pity

     It Builds a Wall Between You and Failure

 As far as I can tell, the difference is that self-pity gives you an excuse to not apply yourself, while depression makes you unable to apply yourself even though you want to. And you've heard the excuses. "I want to write a book, but I'm no good at writing." "I want to get a date, but I'm too unattractive.

But this goes beyond laziness. Not trying something because you were born without the appropriate attribute to succeed turns it into a go-to means of softening the blow

    You Justify Your Anger by Comparing Yourself to Successful People

A powerful fuel for misery is looking at someone, especially someone your age or younger, and lamenting the fact that they have a better career, house, action-figure collection, etc. This is especially true if it looks like they have a better everything, so you can't even take solace in the fact that while they may have a hot spouse, they're too busy making them happy to spend time with friends and you get super jealous. When you're in the dregs of self-pity, you almost insist on finding someone you can't live up to in order to make yourself feel bad. If you envy one friend's job and another friend points out that his long work weeks are making him lonely, you'll obsess over a second friend who has a great career and a great social life. 

 Negative Effects of Self pity

1. The only thing feeling sorry for yourself changes about your life is that it makes it worse.

2. No matter how you look at it, you involve yourself with whatever you resist!

3. Being wrapped up in self-pity completely spoils any chance of being able to see new possibilities as they appear; besides, no one likes sour milk!

4. The only thing that grows from cultivating any dark seed of sorrow is more bitter fruit.

5. Feeling sorry for those who want you to feel sorry for them is like giving an alcoholic gift certificate to a liquor store.

To be Cont'd.....Part II

This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life.  Kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

PhotoCredit:

muhammedinur.com