Do people change people in relationships?

Most times most people get into relationships for some reasons that are far away from the truth and they state the fact that I like him or I like her so I can make my partner change. Is it possible to change people?
What do you think you can do that you didn’t do as a friend that will bring about change but when you get into a relationship you will perform the magic. I heard people say that the only time you can change people is when they are in pampers and I think that is true.
Relationship does not change people, God does. The person you saw as a friend is the same person he/she is except when pretense steps in. People say change is constant but do not think you are the originator of the change.

In most cases our actions could cause a slight re-think, but then with prayers the re-think will stay.

Most times it is difficult to ascertain why most people do some things they do but in the real sense, there is a spirit behind it. I once heard a man on the radio say I do not want to leave my wife I love her so much but then I do not want to leave my girlfriend as well. Alright! Do you think this is normal? Do you believe this is what a wife can change?

The differences we see could either mean two things:

- They are not ours
- We came to them for a reason

• They are not ours: Not everybody you get to be friends with is your future. There are people you meet and they are totally opposite from what we want or what we had prayed for. Most times it could be that in prayers we set a time to meet with this person and then since you met this person at that stated time you assume this is the right one. Remember God's time is the best, as much as he wants to grant our heart desires he would not want us to have what we will not enjoy. 

• We came to them for a reason: In this light, we came to them for a reason means they can be our future but then it takes a process and what’s that process? Prayers!! We could be just that person that the other needs to change. In most cases people in this category just settle for anything when they have the solution to everything, when they know they can pray for that person to change.

In these two categories one thing is constant, it’s either God changes one or the change never occurred. Do not be a victim of I can change him/her because really you can’t. Do not try so hard and secondly do not give up. Believe in everybody and pray for everyone who you believe is not living right to change, do not put blames on the person, there is always a spirit behind it.

No one wants to live wrong, some reasons happen for them to live wrong. But above all do not manage, it gets to a point where you have to pray from a distance. Not everyone is destined to marry everyone.
Just pray for yourself and believe in the best. May God guide our decisions Change is constant and change is from God. Do your part and leave the rest to God.
 
You can never be faced with a challenge that is bigger than you.

This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

Love Through The Good and the Worse

The majority of life could be categorized into two ways: Offensive Mode and Defensive Mode

Kindly read through as I share Folake’s inspiring story.

As a kid, beginning in nursery school, I was completely in Defensive Mode. I was shy and bullied - not a great combination for building self-esteem. I always felt that I had to defend myself and my choices to everyone. It didn't help that I wanted to be different, for sure.

One of those days in my primary 2 now known as grade 2 I  was minding my business, sitting alone and playing with the sand. Two girls walked up to me (they were known as the bullies) and looked at me. One said "Look how stupid she is, playing in the sand." The other said "You like dirt so much? Here's some dirt." And they both proceeded to kick sand on me.

It only lasted a few minutes, and I wasn't physically harmed, but that moment was one of the first in a string of incidents that molded my defensive behavior. In the moment, I wasn't defensive. If anything, I was merely submissive. Letting them do what they wished, in the hope they would get bored and move on. It worked, but it left me always wanting to scream "I'm not stupid!" or whatever was the choice adjective of the day.

To this day, being called any version of "stupid", being wrong, or making mistakes still makes me cringe. I've come a long, long way from that day, but I will be the first to admit, it's hard to turn off certain reactions.

I retaliated by proving that I wasn't stupid. I focused on my school work, acing class after class. I graduated after primary 6 (Grade 6).  This was my defensive period. This was my way of saying "You're wrong about me being stupid!"

But when secondary/high school rolled around, I finally realized that defense wasn't any good without a great offense. And thus began my "Let the world be" phase.

I never fell towards drinking or smoking like most teenagers do, but I did become angry. If it didn't anger me, or prove my point, I didn't care. I lost a couple friends this way, but I didn't care then— I was angry. Sometimes, it felt like I would go out of my way to make people not like me. Because I was different. I don't need you to like me.

So what does all this have to do with you, you might ask?

Everything or maybe nothing. I shared this story because I know there are so many of us out there who are in Folake’s shoes you have been bullied, picked on, and made to feel like we're wrong for wanting to be different. There are many who are overweight, born different, look different and talk different. There are many who have their differences inside, and so many who have their differences on the outside. We have ailments, and diseases, allergies and preferences. And there are so many who like to point out those differences and make us feel bad for it.

I tell you this story, because many of us get caught up in Defense/Offense Mode and we forget that there is another option— Love.

1. Rather than trying to convince someone how awesome you are, love yourself.

2. Rather than being angry at others, love them. Most people are going through phases you are not aware of.

3. Instead of hiding your differences, love them. Being Unique has never been a crime.

4. When someone is screaming at you, tell them you still love them.

5. When someone tries to degrade your worth, remind yourself how much you love yourself. Yours is the only opinion that matters.

6. When you're hurt or sad, rather than lashing out, love yourself. Your own love is the best love.

7. When you insult yourself, correct it by reminding yourself how much you love you.

8. When you feel the urge to gossip, ask yourself is it right, if I really do love this person why then should I spite this person. No one gossips for good, gossips always come with the voice of envy, jealousy and resentment and all these are the enemies of love.

9. When you want to scream at someone, rather than scream tell them you love them.

10. No matter what, always, always love yourself. If you can love yourself, nothing else matters.

Above all Love because God commanded us to. Heb. 13:1


How are you going to show some love in the world today?

 This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

Stay Lazy and still burn your calories without walking 10,000 steps

 I hear people say this all the time, Wow! This lady is doing real well, I can't even walk 100 steps. Alright here we go let’s try and hide from shedamfitness for a while, let's see how we can burn a few of those calories without putting so much effort.

Let's now discuss the five ways I researched on how you can make this work.

1. Sleep more

You know how when your money is in a high-performing investment account you’re making money without doing anything because you’re just watching the interest work for you? Well, the same is true for sleep – it works just like interest. The more sleep you have, the more calories you burn. The message? Sleep more, burn more.

2. Watch comedy shows
As if you needed a reason to watch more comedy, here is another – do it for your waistline. Laughter cannot be over emphasized, it relaxes your nerves and it keeps you burning the excess from your cal. storage room. Thanks to Basket Mouth, Ay, EmmaOhMaGod, Kevin Hart etc. they just made this remedy easier to apply.

3. Drink coffee or tea
Please do not get me wrong, do not drink excess, and do not make coffee take the place of water. Although it’s true – your cup of coffee or tea may help your waistline. Sounds as good as the sleep more tip, right? Higher caffeine use was associated with weight loss through thermogenesis (one of the ways your body generates heat and energy from digesting food) while low use was associated with weight maintenance. Consult your doctor about the correct amount of caffeine for your health. DO NOT DRINK COFFEE AT NIGHT TIMES.

 4. Stand and move more

We burn more calories standing than we do sitting. Learn to use stair cases instead of elevators. Look for friends to walk down the street with, maybe to go get your lunch or whatsoever you know does not cover so much distance. Decide to stand during some meeting, do not always sit. The often we stand the better for our nerves.

5. Change ‘classes at work
Registered dietitian Bierley Wright, a contributor to Eating Well, says that when most of us went to school we had to change classes every half hour to hour. If you had to take a walk and say hi to your colleagues every hour, you could burn up to 100 calories in a work day and the long-term benefits to your health by not sitting still for hours on end is significant too.

Ultimately though the easiest way to burn more calories is by focusing on increasing our incidental activity throughout our day. Walk more, stand more, sleep more. Things we disregarded are those elements that can help aid not just our waistlines and our general health too. I know you can do it, let’s make it mandatory to think health.

This is the little I researched and with the aid of ICAS health team I came up with this. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com.

Insights On Perfection

There are some facts about life that is beyond our power to erase, above all is the ability to be perfect. Some way, somehow we all would love life to go so smooth (oh I would love that too), were they would not be any errors, no one getting to annoy anybody, things not failing for us to make corrections , everything just going perfectly. But then is it possible *sighs*, is it possible to avoid failures? Is it possible to resist failures? Is it possible to stay without having something go wrong and we having to fix it? Just like you are thinking so am I, it is not possible to have everything right.

I will be discussing some insights about perfection. There are a few things we need to note and I will be listing the few and they include:

1. You can never be perfect: Do not try so hard, the harder you try, the more complicated you get things for yourself. Life just has us fixed that way, you can never be perfect but then there will be mistakes, failures but there will always be a way out. You cannot be perfect, but even in our imperfection there is always a solution.

2. Things would not always happen how you want them to: Some people tend to say they are perfectionist, oh no! That’s rather wrong, they are rather solution providers and they also have people who provide them solutions. Never expect everything to happen how you want them to. More often than not we want things to happen at that particular moment because they will make us happy but then is that the right thing for us. We can succeed, success does not connote perfection. Give your best to all you do and with God it will work out fine.

3. Do not expect perfection from others: Whatever ideas you might have thought of are yours, do not expect people to give it to you just as you have it in your head. Do not expect others to always agree with you, what might be right to you might not just be right to me. We are different individuals with our unique personalities. 

ACCEPTANCE IS KEY

We just have to accept things how they come, take people how we see them and correct the few we can and adapt to those we can hardly change or better still avoid them.

We have to trade the ideas of being perfectionist. We can only work hard to improve, the changes we see but never expect everything you try to always work, something’s are not just for you, someone else would rather do that thing than you. Never expect everyone to say yes to your ideas and beliefs. The idea of perfection is impossible, it only makes us unhappy.

By accepting that we are not perfect, it gives us more room to try, to realize, to make corrections and to live.

Name that thing you have tried and it made you realize I can't actually do everything.

This is the little I know, I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com

Designed As You : According to the Second Chapter of the Epistle of Joel

In life we face similar situations of people living and trying to be who they are not, today I would love to inspire someone with this topic Designed as you. You are not designed to be anyone else but you. Most times it is difficult to live above envy and jealousy but then again we are ignorant of the fact that we suffer from these.  Owing what you have and earnestly craving what the next person has leads to jealousy. More often than not being contented is the first step to erase or live above envy and jealousy, rather than see the other person as best why not see yourself as best?

It also gets very terrible when we see what the next person has and the urge to getting that same item makes us spend our last penny to purchase that item. Most people call it "Wanna Be" but I would rather say that is one of the deadly habits of envy and jealous. 

You do not get to please the world by pretending to live a life that is not yours, rather you are just stressing yourself trying to please people who do not even feel half of the stress you go through. JUST BE YOU, that’s the most priceless item in the market. You cannot tell how much value you place on yourself if even when faced with all sorts you decide to be you. Being you is the most attractive, most pricey value you can ever own.

The Second chapter in the epistle of Joel in the bible explains this better "Like warriors they charged like soldiers, they scale the wall. They march each on his way, they do not swerve from their paths. They do not jostle one another, each marches in his path, they burst through the weapons and are not halted" Joel 2:7-8.

This scripture teaches us who we truly are, Princes and Princesses, Kings and Queens who do not walk on the path of one another but rule in our own unique way.

I tell you in all sincerity, NOBODY can be you and that person you are trying to be like can never match the great personality you have on your inside. 

You are designed by God to be a prince/princess in your own field. That dream you have would come to pass, but it definitely would not come when you are trying to be someone else. Do not lose track of who you are because of jealousy, envy and peer pressure.

Rather than let people influence you, be the influence. In your daily activities pride yourself in who you are through Christ. 

Life is not a competition, never live to impress, live to make a difference. 

You are beautiful/handsome. Believe this about yourself and above all believe you are designed as you.

This is the little I know, I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com

Who does the ingredients in your kitchen blender remind you of?

You and I purchase a lot of items for different purposes and it’s funny how we do not get to observe that everything about life relates to our factor; the Godly, our being and existence, it all depends on if you see it for the good or the bad.

Our kitchen blender, we all know what we use our blenders for, some use them for fruits, some for ingredients but the major aspect is we use them to get the smooth feel of whatever item we put into it and we keep blending whatever we put in till it is smooth enough for our use.

Now let’s see this illustration, you are at a stage of your life and it gets to a point everything you seemed to have gotten involved with seems to be going down the drain even the few that seemed to be working isn't working how it is supposed to and we say I have prayed, I have prayed and there seems to be no God, I give up, then you should ask yourself what will my blender do to the ingredients If I put them and I leave it to blend, will my blender say I am fed up of blending this ingredient, NO!! It keeps up with whatever speed, then why can’t you just do same. God our ultimate controller is up there pressing the knob of stop and start to make you persevere. Our kitchen blender or rather my kitchen blender teaches me to persevere and the single rule of perseverance is moving with a faster speed even when it doesn't feel like you are heading somewhere but with perseverance, determination and hard work you achieve that which you want to achieve.

Now I would love to ask, do you feel the ingredients in your blender reminds you of yourself, we have an ultimate controller and that is God. He presses the button but do we stay in till we are blended smooth or during the process of blending do we make God give up on us and think we cannot be smooth. In most cases we make God give up and we think He gave up on us. Setting your ways right and following His instructions are the easiest ways to success, not so easy but the gallops you can definitely sail through.

It is not easy to persevere till the finish product but then it will be worth it, as human we are faced with bumpy rides in the journey of life, but then I always say God cannot put you through a test if you did not have the ability to handle it, it all takes sitting down to find the solution. There are ways which we can easily climb up the ladder and these are with the fruits of the Spirit.

LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, MEEKNESS, FAITH AND SELF CONTROL.

Have you ever noticed that there are some fruits that not minding the amount of pressure you put they don’t blend? Are you that type of ingredient, what more pressure do we need from God than that of sending His son? John 3:16.

I pray and hope that we become those ingredients in the blender that doesn't give the master stress and how do we do this? 

It takes very few steps:

   -Make your ways right: - Do the right things at the right time.

   -Be determined: - stay in the blender even when God says I am tired, you have stressed me; you should say Lord, I know I have but I won’t let you go until you make my life smooth.

   -Always persevere: - The process of blending might not just be as easy as that of the ingredients in our kitchen, one might take a little longer but persevere knowing that the end will be smooth and that will surely be the result.