"
But the past
does not exist independently from the present. Indeed, the past is only past
because there is a present, just as I can point to something over there only
because I am here. But nothing is inherently over there or here. In that sense,
the past has no content. The past -- or more accurately, pastness -- is a
position. Thus, in no way can we identify the past as past." — Michel-Rolph
Trouillot
I have handled a similar topic before though not on my own
post but as a guest speaker for @relcapsules, you should check them out.
Today I will be paying deeper insight to Letting go of the past.
Are you chronically stuck in the past? Are you allowing
your history to knock your present off track, much like a skipping
record? That's the question I'm posing today.
First, I think it's important to note that while the things that happened to
you in the past are distinct, individual moments in time, the idea of "the
past" has no such distinction. It is impossible to completely categorize
the people and events from your past. Because, even if you no longer think of a
specific moment in time, it is still there. You may never recall the memory of
it, but in some way it either:
a) Taught you something not minding if it was good or bad,
b) Reinforced
something you already believed, effectively planting itself in your present,
whether you know it or not.
This is all to say, there is no way to completely delete your past from
your today, even if you're a completely different person than you used to be.
A former alcohol addict might conquer the addiction and become a responsible, honest person which are seemingly on opposite ends of what he/she was
before. But his/her past, the desire to overcome, the desire to change, and the
desire to be better, all would come together to allow him to be this new
person. There might be millions of stand-up, honest, law-abiding citizens
in the world, but none would exactly like him, because they didn't share his
unique past.
However, there is a difference between the natural fusion of past and present,
and allowing the past to dictate your life.
But how do you know if your past is overtaking your present?
Signs You're Letting The Past Hold You Back
1. You cling to nostalgia (pleasant remembrances)
Do you find that much of your free thoughts are spent thinking about good old
days? No matter how old we are, we all have periods of time in our lives that
we feel were pretty great or special. The problem is when we begin to wish we
could go back or attempt to recreate that time in our current life.
I've tried this in my life, and I can tell you it doesn't work. People are
constantly morphing into new people - we get older, our habits change, our
friends change, our beliefs about ourselves and others change - and attempting
to force people and situations into what they once were is a recipe for
failure.
Try this instead: Think about what it is that is drawing your back
to that particular time. Maybe you crave a particular kind of happiness or
closeness. Maybe you had a lot of friends, but don't anymore, and you miss the
busyness of going out with friends. Figure out what it truly is that you miss,
and then find a way to get it in your current life.
2. You are hurt by imagined wrongs.
Has a friend ever said something that you took as an insult, but was in no way
meant to insult you? Maybe they commented on the size of your house and you
immediately thought they were calling your house small. Maybe it annoys you when
your mother stops by and goes right to cleaning your room, because you feel
she's silently saying that you aren't doing your job of keeping the room clean.
Try this instead: Look at the situation objectively. Is this person
really trying to insult you, or is something from your past trying to bubble
up. If you can recognize that the latter is happening, you can stop it. Remind
yourself that you are not what this emotion is telling you. Try to think why
this person is saying what they're saying. Maybe your mother is not making a
statement about your cleanliness - maybe she noticed that you have been busy
with work or you are tired thought she should help out and take one task off
your to-do list.
I should note that sometimes things are indeed meant as insults. But remember,
you control whether or not the insults get at you. Your reaction determines
whether the person is shooting bullets or shooting blanks.
3. You continue the same thought and action patterns
despite knowing they aren't working for you.
The past is familiar. And we tend to like what is familiar. Only sometimes,
familiar is what gets us into predicaments.
Take weight loss, for instance. Have you ever tried to lose weight, but get
caught up in resentment, toward those to seemingly get to eat whatever they
want or toward your younger body that never used to gain weight? We begin to
get frustrated when we aren't losing fast enough, and then give up. We do this
again and again and come to the conclusion that it can't be done. Except
our conclusion is based on faulty logic or incomplete data
Try this instead: Instead of basing decisions on past occurrences,
take note of the facts (not opinions) about the current situation. Instead of
relying on what you think you know, take the time to really look objectively at
the situation. Using the example from above, instead of assuming you just can't
lose weight, look at the steps that got you there. Did you really eat as well
as you thought? Or did you happen to "forget" the nights of snacking
in front of the TV? Keep analyzing everything until you get down to the
root of the problem. It's not that you couldn't lose weight, it's that you
couldn't lose weight doing what you were doing.
What is it you would let go of today? What is holding you back that you
would let go of today?
This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your
comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or
personal experience to help a life. Kindly send the write-up to
chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.
