Self Pity I

Pity is a form of external validation that is based off feelings of inferiority. The desire for external validation and the internal lack of self-esteem is a serious one-two punch knocking down our happiness levels.

When I was younger, I remember occasionally hurting myself while playing outside.

If I rolled my ankle, I might fall to the ground clutching it, but not feeling too bad overall. Then, when someone from my family or a friend would run up to me and see if I was okay, I’d start getting choked up.

At the time, this confused me and made me even more upset. Why could I not control myself?

I experienced a lot of self-pity because I felt like I was weak and could not handle my emotions and then I would break out in tears.

None of this made any sense to me then, but it would happen the same way every time.

Now that I’m older, I think I “get” it. I actually enjoyed the feeling of pity and would subconsciously seek it out.

This doesn’t just happen in children. Did you ever notice how when some people get sick or injured, they will practically brag about it?

“Hey everyone! I totally broke my arm the other day. Look at me!”

This whole “enjoyment of being pitied” business is particularly an indirect form of attention-seeking behavior.

It is a sign of insecurity. We want to be pitied because we crave attention, and without pity, we worry that nobody will care about us.

Dangerous sides of Self-Pity

     It Builds a Wall Between You and Failure

 As far as I can tell, the difference is that self-pity gives you an excuse to not apply yourself, while depression makes you unable to apply yourself even though you want to. And you've heard the excuses. "I want to write a book, but I'm no good at writing." "I want to get a date, but I'm too unattractive.

But this goes beyond laziness. Not trying something because you were born without the appropriate attribute to succeed turns it into a go-to means of softening the blow

    You Justify Your Anger by Comparing Yourself to Successful People

A powerful fuel for misery is looking at someone, especially someone your age or younger, and lamenting the fact that they have a better career, house, action-figure collection, etc. This is especially true if it looks like they have a better everything, so you can't even take solace in the fact that while they may have a hot spouse, they're too busy making them happy to spend time with friends and you get super jealous. When you're in the dregs of self-pity, you almost insist on finding someone you can't live up to in order to make yourself feel bad. If you envy one friend's job and another friend points out that his long work weeks are making him lonely, you'll obsess over a second friend who has a great career and a great social life. 

 Negative Effects of Self pity

1. The only thing feeling sorry for yourself changes about your life is that it makes it worse.

2. No matter how you look at it, you involve yourself with whatever you resist!

3. Being wrapped up in self-pity completely spoils any chance of being able to see new possibilities as they appear; besides, no one likes sour milk!

4. The only thing that grows from cultivating any dark seed of sorrow is more bitter fruit.

5. Feeling sorry for those who want you to feel sorry for them is like giving an alcoholic gift certificate to a liquor store.

To be Cont'd.....Part II

This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life.  Kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.

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