Love Through The Good and the Worse

The majority of life could be categorized into two ways: Offensive Mode and Defensive Mode

Kindly read through as I share Folake’s inspiring story.

As a kid, beginning in nursery school, I was completely in Defensive Mode. I was shy and bullied - not a great combination for building self-esteem. I always felt that I had to defend myself and my choices to everyone. It didn't help that I wanted to be different, for sure.

One of those days in my primary 2 now known as grade 2 I  was minding my business, sitting alone and playing with the sand. Two girls walked up to me (they were known as the bullies) and looked at me. One said "Look how stupid she is, playing in the sand." The other said "You like dirt so much? Here's some dirt." And they both proceeded to kick sand on me.

It only lasted a few minutes, and I wasn't physically harmed, but that moment was one of the first in a string of incidents that molded my defensive behavior. In the moment, I wasn't defensive. If anything, I was merely submissive. Letting them do what they wished, in the hope they would get bored and move on. It worked, but it left me always wanting to scream "I'm not stupid!" or whatever was the choice adjective of the day.

To this day, being called any version of "stupid", being wrong, or making mistakes still makes me cringe. I've come a long, long way from that day, but I will be the first to admit, it's hard to turn off certain reactions.

I retaliated by proving that I wasn't stupid. I focused on my school work, acing class after class. I graduated after primary 6 (Grade 6).  This was my defensive period. This was my way of saying "You're wrong about me being stupid!"

But when secondary/high school rolled around, I finally realized that defense wasn't any good without a great offense. And thus began my "Let the world be" phase.

I never fell towards drinking or smoking like most teenagers do, but I did become angry. If it didn't anger me, or prove my point, I didn't care. I lost a couple friends this way, but I didn't care then— I was angry. Sometimes, it felt like I would go out of my way to make people not like me. Because I was different. I don't need you to like me.

So what does all this have to do with you, you might ask?

Everything or maybe nothing. I shared this story because I know there are so many of us out there who are in Folake’s shoes you have been bullied, picked on, and made to feel like we're wrong for wanting to be different. There are many who are overweight, born different, look different and talk different. There are many who have their differences inside, and so many who have their differences on the outside. We have ailments, and diseases, allergies and preferences. And there are so many who like to point out those differences and make us feel bad for it.

I tell you this story, because many of us get caught up in Defense/Offense Mode and we forget that there is another option— Love.

1. Rather than trying to convince someone how awesome you are, love yourself.

2. Rather than being angry at others, love them. Most people are going through phases you are not aware of.

3. Instead of hiding your differences, love them. Being Unique has never been a crime.

4. When someone is screaming at you, tell them you still love them.

5. When someone tries to degrade your worth, remind yourself how much you love yourself. Yours is the only opinion that matters.

6. When you're hurt or sad, rather than lashing out, love yourself. Your own love is the best love.

7. When you insult yourself, correct it by reminding yourself how much you love you.

8. When you feel the urge to gossip, ask yourself is it right, if I really do love this person why then should I spite this person. No one gossips for good, gossips always come with the voice of envy, jealousy and resentment and all these are the enemies of love.

9. When you want to scream at someone, rather than scream tell them you love them.

10. No matter what, always, always love yourself. If you can love yourself, nothing else matters.

Above all Love because God commanded us to. Heb. 13:1


How are you going to show some love in the world today?

 This is the little I know. I would love to hear your views. Kindly drop your comments below and if you would like me to share an inspiration, idea or personal experience to help a life kindly send the write-up to chukwuuju@ymail.com and specify if you want to be left as anonymous.